


Between Words and Deeds

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Post Bartlett Administration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-14
Updated: 2008-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-31 08:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15115406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: Did Josh even know what he was fighting for or did he just not want to lose?





	Between Words and Deeds

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: Oh my god, I've stumbled over the edge. Don't worry, I'm going back. keep_warm and I have a deal...I want my Donna/Cliff story. This is also for leli_5 because I am sure she never thought she would see the day.  


* * *

“I feel like Toby.” Josh grumbled.

“You’ve got the grumpy face down.” Donna replied smirking. “Stop sulking Josh; its not becoming of a 46 year old man.”

He tried to do what she asked but just like everything else, he didn’t quite make it. That only made him sulk more.

“Could you help me down please?” Donna asked.

“Oh God, yeah.” Josh jumped up from the chair. “I'm sorry.”

Her steps off the examination table were tentative. She grimaced when both feet touched the floor. Josh’s eyes were wide with fear.

“Are you alright?”

“I'm fine. Everything aches but that’s nothing new. C’mon Josh, you know, oh God…” Donna rolled her eyes. “You don’t know I guess. Everything aches most of the time.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that?”

“Because it’s just a fact of nature. If it were something to concern ourselves with I would have told the doctor. Please hand me my clothes.”

“Why don’t you tell me things?” Josh handed her the grey slacks, blue cashmere sweater, and white bra and panties.

“I do, I just…let’s not go there right now. Its not earth shattering news. I would never keep something important from you and you know that.”

“I don’t know anything anymore.”

Since he was grumbling again, Donna pretended not to hear him. That was one thing she hated about Josh. Yes, hate was a strong word but over the months she was almost sure it was appropriate. When things happened, whatever they were, he acted as if he was the only one affected by them. Fuck her feelings and anyone else’s…if Josh Lyman was upset then you were damn sure going to know about it.

Even as Donna thought that, she still knew deep down that she was wrong. There were other sides to him too. It had just been so long. Which Josh was real and which was conceived from all that happened since the meeting in the Manchester storefront over ten years before? Searching for answers kept Donna awake some nights. Maybe they both were.

“Should I leave the room, while you dress?” he asked.

“You’ve seen me naked probably a half million times.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Whatever you think is best Josh.”

He just stood there so Donna slipped out of the paper gown. God, he always loved Donna’s body but it was even more beautiful now. Her pale skin glowed; her breasts were firm and round. Her nipples were always erect. Just the sight of her after all these months made Josh quiver. He missed her so much it had taken on a life of its own.

It moved in with him, taunted him, blasted its music and would not let him sleep. Nothing made it go away. Josh tried everything but the more he wanted to forget, stubborn memories planted deeper roots. Sam told him to give it time…a lot of time. Josh knew that would not work. He didn’t have time anyway; he was just seconds from losing his mind.

“You are so beautiful.” 

Donna smiled at his words. She pulled the sweater over her head before turning to the full-length mirror. “Thank you.”

“What does it feel like Donna? You’ve never told me.”

“I'm not sure if I could put it into words.”

“Could you try?” Josh asked.

“Yeah.”

If they were honest with themselves, words were the problem. When Donna went to his place and mumbled ‘who said anything about talking’ before she had her way with him, she did not know that would be the foundation their relationship was built upon. The old Josh and Donna, best friends, Deputy White House Chief of Staff and his Deputy Deputy, never stopped talking. They knew each other’s secrets, fears, and dreams. They knew things that up until the moment they told each other had only been uttered to God.

Josh and Donna the couple, Chiefs of Staff to the President of the United States and First Lady, never knew what to say. Josh was a workaholic. When Donna tried to encourage anything else, it always fell through. She fell asleep alone at night and frequently woke that way. If Josh didn’t wake her in the middle of the night to make love she would just assume he slept in his office.

There were no vacations, lazy Sunday mornings, or conversations until dawn. There was work, sex, and silence. She left him months before with the same feeling she had the first time they kissed…this was bound to happen eventually. Josh took it hard, if the 50 plus voicemails he left her were an indication.

Donna finally told him to stop. She needed the distance; she needed to think. Constantly pushing and begging would not make her return. Did Josh even know what he was fighting for or did he just not want to lose? Donna didn’t know how to tell him she was pregnant. When she found out the time was almost up to conceal it. Josh was over the moon. He wanted to make plans again.

They had to be together now, at least for the baby. Donna stuck to her guns…she was not doing any of this to hurt him. Didn’t he realize that she too was in pain? No, maybe he didn’t. Their child needed them, not their crumbling love affair.

“It feels weird.” She said laughing. “It feels so good, but weird and amazing, all in the span of 60 seconds. Its bubbly and even when my ankles are swollen and my breasts hurt, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I don’t think enough words have been invented to describe the feeling.”

“You did alright. C’mon, someone else probably needs this room.”

Josh helped her into her coat and they left the OBGYN’s office after setting up another six-week appointment. Washington was turning cold. It was another November, less than a year until the next general election. Santos was already running again but Donna would not stay for a second term. There had been other offers; she already talked with the First Lady. She knew now that she could do her part to save the world without coming home every night with a headache. The traveling and stress were getting to be too much. She did not want her child to know electoral math before first words.

“There’s a diner down the street.” Josh said. “Do you want to get breakfast?”

“I do, but…”

“Donna, we have to talk eventually. This isn’t going away.”

“It’s a very emotional time for me. I know you're right but this isn’t the best time.”

“Just take me back. My child deserves a father.”

“Your child will have an amazing father. This isn’t easy but I need to be sure of my footing before I make any decisions. You try making a major life choice with three times the hormone levels coursing through your blood, Josh. You cannot bully me into coming back.”

“I would never do that.” he took both of her hands in his. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. I have loved you for a long time in so many different ways. Every moment we had together was meant to be. Even this moment was meant to be.”

“Just come and eat. We’ll talk a little. Please Donna.”

“Alright.” She gave in so he would stop asking. She hardly knew what to say and was not sure he would even listen. When Josh was on a mission, everything else came second. But Donna was not a bill, an act, or even an unyielding Democrat. She was a woman and as much as she loved him she knew it was over long before she walked out the door. “I truly hope you understand one day.”

“Understand what?”

“Everything.”

“I don’t know what you mean when you say things like that. Are you being that way on purpose?”

She would have laughed if the question hadn't been quite unfunny.

“No. Let’s just have breakfast and talk, alright?”

When he smiled and his dimples came out, Donna couldn’t help but smile too. The history between them was deeper than any other relationship in her life. She did not know whether to hold on with both hands or cut and run. The latter was impossible with the baby coming. Donna would never stand in the way of Josh being a father. She was eager to see how they both handled the changes coming in their lives.

She knew how excited she was and she wanted all those feelings for him too. Their child would be another one of the millions of things that they shared. They would be terrific parents, even with all the first time jitters and stutter steps. Donna was confident of that. She was also sure that their romantic life together was over. Now she just had to find the words.

***


End file.
